Alestorm's 'Curse of the Crystal Coconut' - Album Review

The Scottish folk metal act Alestorm are a band that I have been following since pretty much the beginning. I picked up their excellent 2008 debut album Captain Morgan's Revenge not long after it was released, and I loved the band's grand take on folk metal - with their piratical themes and their tongues firmly in their cheeks. 2009's heavier Black Sails at Midnight, which followed its older brother into the world just over a year later, further cemented my love from frontman Christopher Bowes and his merry men. The Alestorm of old balanced epic-sounding melodies, songwriting with a grand scope, and a good sense of humour together perfectly - and in my opinion both Captain Morgan's Revenge and Black Sails at Midnight are quintessential folk metal releases. In my opinion however, the band's output ever since has varied significantly in quality - with wildly-inconsistent albums and an attitude that seems to consist of doing things purely for 'the lols' having sadly somewhat scuppered what was once a great band. That is not to say that the Alestorm of today are a poor band; as they are not; or that the albums that have been released since Black Sails at Midnight are all inherently bad; as they are not; but, for me at least, there has certainly been a noticeable drop in quality. That was, however, until 2017's excellent No Grave but the Sea (which I reviewed here) which, for me at least, is easily the band's best album since Black Sails at Midnight. After a couple of albums that pushed more of a comedy metal vibe than I was hoping for, No Grave but the Sea showcased the Alestorm of old that I love. The silliness was still there (as, in truth, it always was) but it was once again balanced with epic folk metal compositions that felt well put together - and not just packed with songs designed for rowdy crowds to drink mead too. I am not the biggest fan of the 'party' end of folk metal for exactly that reason, but No Grave but the Sea pushed the band away from that scene slightly and back towards the sort of epic metal that I enjoy. I, therefore, had high hopes for Curse of the Crystal Coconut, the band's sixth album which was released last month, but it did not take long for me to realise that the band's return to form on No Grave but the Sea was to be a short one. Curse of the Crystal Coconut might be the most egregious Alestorm album yet, and I really have to wonder if Bowes and co. really care much about this band any more. Having a gimmick (the pirate theme in this case) is always going to run its course, and I feel that Bowes' heart is just not in it any more - so instead of trying something different he has just pushed the same old tropes overboard, and has turned in the silliest and least-funny Alestorm album yet as a result. That is not to say that there are not some strong songs here, as there are, but there are also some really poor moments. Looking at the writing credits in the album's booklet reveals the general lack of input that most of the band had on this album, which is far cry from the situation on No Grave but the Sea, with a few covers making the cut along with songs that Bowes seems to have largely outsourced to his friend Matthew Bell (Troldhaugen; Bane of Isildur; Autumn's Dawn) - which further fuels the theory that Bowes just cannot really be bothered with Alestorm anymore.

Curse of the Crystal Coconut, for all its faults, actually starts out strongly. The album's opening two numbers are very enjoyable, and recall the general vibe of No Grave but the Sea - which makes the later significant drop in quality all the more noticeable. Opener Treasure Chest Party Quest, while not high art, is a fun and rampant folk metal track with a driving guitar riff, a very catchy catchy chorus, and the carefree attitude that makes Alestorm who they are. It is one of only two songs on the album that is co-written by guitarist Máté Bodor, and his input throughout is clear to see. Both him and keyboardist Elliot Vernon were heavily involved in the writing of No Grave but the Sea, but their contributions are, sadly, much less prevalent here. I think this partly contributes to the album's lack of quality, but Treasure Chest Party Quest shows that the band are still capable of putting out strong songs when they want to. Bodor's riffs and occasional shredded leads are strong throughout, and Vernon's flashy power metal keyboard solo that follows the first chorus is also excellent. The band's trademark mix of humour and grand folk metal arrangements is here in spades; while a heavier breakdown that makes use of Vernon's harsh vocals (a relatively recent addition to the overall Alestorm sound) is a welcome change of pace - and contributes to a song which is easily one of the best things about this album. The following track Fannybaws is similarly strong, and actually sounds like a real throwback to the band's first couple of albums. The folk metal melodies are really dominant throughout, with plenty of epic-sounding keyboards to bulk out the song - while a gang vocal-led chorus is sure to get crowds going when the song is played live. Much like with Treasure Chest Party Quest, Fannybaws is not high art but it is great fun and showcases that Alestorm can still pull the rabbit out of the hat and make their piracy-themed metal songs work. Bodor's lengthy guitar solo showcases why he is probably the best guitarist that the band have had to date; and helps to reinforce that old-school Alestorm sound when a greater focus was placed on guitar soloing and general virtuosity. It is with Chomp Chomp however where the quality starts to drop off. It is far from the worst that this album has to offer, but it is noticeably weaker than the opening two numbers. I do like the main folky melody that the song is based around, as well as the slightly thrashier approach taken with the riffing, but the lyrics are dreadful. The simple chorus is pretty catchy, but it just seems like there has not been a lot of thought put into the song overall. This is one of the songs written by Bell, with lyrics contributed by members of the band and Mathias Lillmåns (Finntroll) who also provides some guest vocals, and it just feels like it has been rather thrown together somewhat without much thought given to the overall arrangements.

Tortuga is a strange effort, and I understand what the band were trying to achieve with it, but for me it does not really work. Parts of the song sound like classic Alestorm, but the strange dubstep beats that are in the background of much of it and the awkward rapping sections just do not really 'fit in' with the overall sound in my opinion. I am not averse to a mixing of genres, but I do not feel that the rapping and dubstep elements have been properly included here. It feels like it was just done for the sake of it somewhat, and it actually feels really dated as a result. Metalcore bands were doing these types of cross overs years ago, and Alestorm just feel a bit late to the party with it. It is a throwback to a time that no-one ever needs to return to - and as a result it is a bit of a weak effort. Zombies Ate My Pirate Ship is a bit better, with a grander overall sound that helps the song to stand out and a fun vocal arrangement that features Bowes, Vernon's screams, and some sweet melodies from guest hurdy gurdy player Patty Gurdy. I like the fact that the song maintains a strong mid-paced groove throughout. Many of the band's songs are quite fast, but this one benefits from the slightly slower pace - the silly lyrics providing a fun contrast with the epic folk metal backing. Musically the song is strong too, with some great heroic guitar leads throughout from Bodor and those cheesy old-school brass and accordion keyboard patches that filled the band's early albums. Call of the Waves is similar in style, but the pace is upped and it sounds like a great throwback to the band's early albums. Drummer Peter Alcorn keeps the song moving with some great double bass drumming throughout, while Bowes and Vernon's layers of keyboards create this epic halo around the whole song. This is also the least-silly song on the whole album. The lyrics just tell an epic nautical story, and that also contributes to the song sounding like a throwback. It was co-written by Vincent Jackson Jones who I believe was actually the band's guitarist in one of their earliest incarnations, so it could actually be a song that has been knocking around for ages and has now finally been given a home. Either way though, Call of the Waves is a very enjoyable song and is the sort of thing that I listen to Alestorm for. It is a great epic-sounding piece with a driving power metal rhythm, excellent guitar playing throughout from Bodor, and a grand folky halo throughout - and is overall a huge step up in quality compared to some of the songs here! Sadly however, with the exception of one song, the rest of the album is pretty poor. Pirate's Scorn is a cover of a song from the Donkey Kong Country TV series, and you can tell that the band has only recorded a cover of it to pander to drunk fans at concerts who may have fond memories of growing up in the 1990s. It is a silly throwaway song that was written to sound 'piratey' for a TV programme, and it does not really benefit from its metal/punk makeover here in any way - and the closing tin whistle melody is actually sonically unpleasant to listen to.

Shit Boat (No Fans) is possibly the album's nadir however. Fucked With an Anchor on the last album was silly, but it did not need a short semi-sequel filled with the sort of lyrics that an edgy twelve year old might come up with. Drunk festival crowds will love it, but everyone else will think it is embarrassing, puerile, and ultimately pointless. Pirate Metal Drinking Crew is not bad, but it certainly lacks the quality of the album's best moments and there are sounds of the barrel being scraped here. Again, it sounds like a song that was written purely for a drunk audience - and I can imagine a rowdy crowd with annoying inflatable swords and those drinking horns that you can buy at metal festivals really lapping it up. The chorus is catchy enough, but the song as a whole is so hollow that it might as well be see-through. Alestorm can do much better, and have done many times before - they even have better shallow drinking songs than this one. Also, I do not understand why there is a dog barking occasionally during the song - there is probably a joke somewhere that I missed out on! Despite the album's second half being mostly quite poor, Wooden Leg - Part 2: The Woodening is actually pretty good. Despite the ludicrous title, and the fact that the song is essentially a prog metal sequel to a throwaway punk song on a previous album, there is a lot of creativity on show here. The opening instrumental section has something of a symphonic black metal vibe to it with some aggressive drumming, and this approach is used sporadically throughout the rest of the song - with Vernon's harsh vocals contrasting well with Bowes' gruff, folky delivery. Alestorm have done lengthy, more progressive sounding songs in the past and have always managed to pull them off - and this effort is no different. There is a lot going on throughout the song's eight minute-plus run time which makes it very fun to listen to. No one idea is ever really overplayed, and the overall grandness of the arrangements recall some of the best moments on those early albums. Layers of keyboards make the song sound epic, while the occasional shredded guitar lead contributes to the prog metal excess. I like how the song ends too, as it reverts to the punky style that characterised the original Wooden Leg! - bringing the duology to a fitting close. The album comes to an end with Henry Martin, a somewhat acoustic take on the traditional folk song that is listenable but also somewhat throwaway. The band did the same with Flower of Scotland on their debut album, and Henry Martin feels similar - listenable but ultimately not really necessary. It is certainly better than some of the album's other weak moments, and I feel that the high energy ending of Wooden Leg - Part 2: The Woodening would have been a better way to close out the album. As it is, Henry Martin feels like a bit of a pointless coda but it is far from the worst thing here. Overall, Curse of the Crystal Coconut is a pretty weak album that is sprinkled with genius. It is easily my least favourite Alestorm album so far, but the strong songs still make it worth the occasional listen. It is just a shame that the band seem torn between wanting to essentially become a full-blown comedy act and sticking with the tongue in cheek folk metal that made them who they are today. I am interested to see where the band will go from here, but I do wonder if the magic has well and truly dried up.

The album was released on 29th May 2020 via Napalm Records. Below is the band's promotional video for Treasure Chest Party Quest.